Tiger - the Update - Short

Ok so this is getting either really weird or really, really funny.

Today many news outlets reported that Tiger's response to his multi-year, multi-women affair is to...

Change his prenuptial contract to make it incredibly expensive for him to cheat again on his wife.

Apparently his wife gets $5m now (kind of a downpayment on past indiscretions) and a further $80m if the marriage lasts until 2016....I wonder how they define "marriage lasts"...Does that mean he doesn't stray until 2016 or that he can stray but she can't chase him around the house with a golf club....until 2016....

No..stop laughing I did not make this up.....

So after cheating on his wife for 3 years and coming out to say that he is going to work on his behaviour etc etc his answer is to increase the financial penalties for him if he strays again...That's it...So the only thing that will keep him from taking on another mistress is to have more money at stake.

I can see it now...his new prenup fixed at $80m...His deep (newly found) morals kicking in....I told you darling that I would be faithful and those last 137 women only rated somehwere between $15m and $63m..but Svetlana...Come on....She is at least a $88m prize..Sorry but there is just so much a man can bear....


The we hear today that a 6th mistress has come out with (apparently 3 more in the wings!)...Exactly how does someone have 3 or 4 affairs going on while married???Also how come he is so shocked that this has all come out....He really thinks that he can have affairs with 6 women and for it not to come out. No wonder his golf has not been that great this pastr couple of years...Tiger has been a busy little boy running between home and his vast array of mistresses...Such a chore for the poor golfing great...


So what happens next. We find out that Tiger has had sex with every woman spectator at the recent US Open while at the same time conducting a year long affair with the all of the cheerleaders of his favourite football team???

I just can't wait to hear how our intrepid Today show gurus (Karl and Deborah whatisher name) respond to this latest news.....I can hear them already warming up...Karl you go first.

Well Tiger suffers from a rare and sadly incurable mental illness called fuckwhoeveruwantitis..Sadly many rich an famours people fall prey to this insidious disease and my professional opinion is that we should all turn a blind eye to this poor man's struggle with this disease, slip him the name of a few brothels and go back to idolising his golf swing.........

What do you think Debo.

Well we have already organise a cover shoot for next week's AWW. Tiger and his wife look so happy in the photos - which shows that clearly nothing untoward has gone on...I mean look at their nice clothes, the beautiful setting at their home, his big broad smile and the little children in perfectly co-ordinated outfits...Call me old fashion but when I see happy family snaps like these I knwo what the truth is....All this mistress stuff is a hoax perpetrated by jealous golfers who want Tiger off the PGA Tour.....It's just like that fake moon landing in 69.....