Ok so this is getting either really weird or really, really funny.
Today many news outlets reported that Tiger's response to his multi-year, multi-women affair is to...
Change his prenuptial contract to make it incredibly expensive for him to cheat again on his wife.
Apparently his wife gets $5m now (kind of a downpayment on past indiscretions) and a further $80m if the marriage lasts until 2016....I wonder how they define "marriage lasts"...Does that mean he doesn't stray until 2016 or that he can stray but she can't chase him around the house with a golf club....until 2016....
No..stop laughing I did not make this up.....
So after cheating on his wife for 3 years and coming out to say that he is going to work on his behaviour etc etc his answer is to increase the financial penalties for him if he strays again...That's it...So the only thing that will keep him from taking on another mistress is to have more money at stake.
I can see it now...his new prenup fixed at $80m...His deep (newly found) morals kicking in....I told you darling that I would be faithful and those last 137 women only rated somehwere between $15m and $63m..but Svetlana...Come on....She is at least a $88m prize..Sorry but there is just so much a man can bear....
The we hear today that a 6th mistress has come out with (apparently 3 more in the wings!)...Exactly how does someone have 3 or 4 affairs going on while married???Also how come he is so shocked that this has all come out....He really thinks that he can have affairs with 6 women and for it not to come out. No wonder his golf has not been that great this pastr couple of years...Tiger has been a busy little boy running between home and his vast array of mistresses...Such a chore for the poor golfing great...
So what happens next. We find out that Tiger has had sex with every woman spectator at the recent US Open while at the same time conducting a year long affair with the all of the cheerleaders of his favourite football team???
I just can't wait to hear how our intrepid Today show gurus (Karl and Deborah whatisher name) respond to this latest news.....I can hear them already warming up...Karl you go first.
Well Tiger suffers from a rare and sadly incurable mental illness called fuckwhoeveruwantitis..Sadly many rich an famours people fall prey to this insidious disease and my professional opinion is that we should all turn a blind eye to this poor man's struggle with this disease, slip him the name of a few brothels and go back to idolising his golf swing.........
What do you think Debo.
Well we have already organise a cover shoot for next week's AWW. Tiger and his wife look so happy in the photos - which shows that clearly nothing untoward has gone on...I mean look at their nice clothes, the beautiful setting at their home, his big broad smile and the little children in perfectly co-ordinated outfits...Call me old fashion but when I see happy family snaps like these I knwo what the truth is....All this mistress stuff is a hoax perpetrated by jealous golfers who want Tiger off the PGA Tour.....It's just like that fake moon landing in 69.....
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Tiger, Tiger, Tiger and the Today Show
So the facts seem to be (at this point) that;
1) Tiger Woods has had an affair for at least 3 years with one woman
2) Tiger was so worried his wife would find out that he asked one woman to change her voicemail (quick interlude here.....Tiger's wife was checking his mobile phone...Is this normal behaviour in a secure marriage or rather the actions of a wife that knows her husband is cheating on her?..anyway)
3)2 other women have come out claiming affairs...That is 3 women in 2 days....hmmmm me thinks there are more to come out
4)Tiger crashed his car at 2:25am..Was he a) deserate for a magnum icecream, b) he wanted to get an early start at the golf course or c)his wife had found out about one or more of his affairs and she wanted to smack him with a 5 iron.
Fast forward to the Today Show on Ch9 this morning. Karl and Deborah whatishername from the Woman's Weekly were chatting about the "Tiger incident"..Ok family loving Karl and defender of women's rights Deborah...let fly.
Deborah said (words to this effect) " Tiger has lots of groupies throwing themselves at him every where he goes so perhaps he just gave in to temptation". ie those bad, nasty girls tempting Tiger...And to tempt him so forcefully for him to have a 3 year affair...that is some tempting. You horrible women!
Come on now Karl...Come through for family values..
Karl (words to this effect).."Tiger has had a very controlled upbringing since his early childhood and maybe this is part of him breaking out of the control".. What the %#$^...So Tiger's therapist sat him down and said "listen son I know you have had a controlled life and sure this life has delivered you world wide acclaim and about $1b but to deal with this horrid past you need to go out and sleep with a bunch of women..I know this is against your family values but Tiger I must insist...this will help you get better".
Also did I miss something...when did Karl get a Phd in Psychology??
Both fully paid up members of the "Tiger can do what ever he wants" club, Karl and Deborah then chatted about how it was kind of normal for famous people to sleep around. Karl even made a comparison of Tiger to Shane Warne...Now that is a low blow....except Karl was trying to be complementary!.
In summary these esteemed media commentators believe that Tiger had such an appallingly controlled childhood such that when he was confronted with those temptresses he had no option but to screw their brains out...Poor, poor Tiger.
How about this version.
Tiger (like many famous people before him) maybe used his power and influence to chase down any woman he desired.....often I have found that fidelity and respect for wives and children do not matter to famous people...Reminds me of a conversation I once had with a married man who is now head of one of our top professional services firms...He slept around also...in his mind..I kid you not...hand on heart...he felt it was his duty to, as he put it ,share his love around...He had so much love to share and he felt it his responsibility to share the love...Hmmmmmm how about sharing love in the true sense but keeping your dick in your pants....
Anyway the last word has to go to Tiger...he (on his website) apologises for his "transgressions" and feels it is not fair for the media to scutinise him at this time....
Firstly a transgression is something like a drunken one night stand...It is not a 3 year affair with one woman and affairs with at least 2 others....Affairs that required day to day deceit and day to day planning and organisation...listen to the voicemail he left one woman if you want to fully understand intricate planning of deceitful actions...Tiger's minders surely had to know what was going on as well..This was not a transgression but a pattern of deceit going on for years.
As for the demand for privacy...Sorry that ship sailed whentakes the hundreds of $M in sponsorhsip money..they have decided to live a public life for money so they can't cry now that they have been found out.
As to Tiger's statement about working on his behaviour....Funny how we is only doing this now that the affairs are public.
As for Karl and Deborah you should both be ashamed for the positions you took..Tiger Woods actions are nothing less that deceitful and poor form. There is no excuse for what he has done and he should accept whatever punishment awaits..To try and provide excuses for this appalling behaviour says alot about your morals and ethics.....and I had thought you were a decent guy Karl....
1) Tiger Woods has had an affair for at least 3 years with one woman
2) Tiger was so worried his wife would find out that he asked one woman to change her voicemail (quick interlude here.....Tiger's wife was checking his mobile phone...Is this normal behaviour in a secure marriage or rather the actions of a wife that knows her husband is cheating on her?..anyway)
3)2 other women have come out claiming affairs...That is 3 women in 2 days....hmmmm me thinks there are more to come out
4)Tiger crashed his car at 2:25am..Was he a) deserate for a magnum icecream, b) he wanted to get an early start at the golf course or c)his wife had found out about one or more of his affairs and she wanted to smack him with a 5 iron.
Fast forward to the Today Show on Ch9 this morning. Karl and Deborah whatishername from the Woman's Weekly were chatting about the "Tiger incident"..Ok family loving Karl and defender of women's rights Deborah...let fly.
Deborah said (words to this effect) " Tiger has lots of groupies throwing themselves at him every where he goes so perhaps he just gave in to temptation". ie those bad, nasty girls tempting Tiger...And to tempt him so forcefully for him to have a 3 year affair...that is some tempting. You horrible women!
Come on now Karl...Come through for family values..
Karl (words to this effect).."Tiger has had a very controlled upbringing since his early childhood and maybe this is part of him breaking out of the control".. What the %#$^...So Tiger's therapist sat him down and said "listen son I know you have had a controlled life and sure this life has delivered you world wide acclaim and about $1b but to deal with this horrid past you need to go out and sleep with a bunch of women..I know this is against your family values but Tiger I must insist...this will help you get better".
Also did I miss something...when did Karl get a Phd in Psychology??
Both fully paid up members of the "Tiger can do what ever he wants" club, Karl and Deborah then chatted about how it was kind of normal for famous people to sleep around. Karl even made a comparison of Tiger to Shane Warne...Now that is a low blow....except Karl was trying to be complementary!.
In summary these esteemed media commentators believe that Tiger had such an appallingly controlled childhood such that when he was confronted with those temptresses he had no option but to screw their brains out...Poor, poor Tiger.
How about this version.
Tiger (like many famous people before him) maybe used his power and influence to chase down any woman he desired.....often I have found that fidelity and respect for wives and children do not matter to famous people...Reminds me of a conversation I once had with a married man who is now head of one of our top professional services firms...He slept around also...in his mind..I kid you not...hand on heart...he felt it was his duty to, as he put it ,share his love around...He had so much love to share and he felt it his responsibility to share the love...Hmmmmmm how about sharing love in the true sense but keeping your dick in your pants....
Anyway the last word has to go to Tiger...he (on his website) apologises for his "transgressions" and feels it is not fair for the media to scutinise him at this time....
Firstly a transgression is something like a drunken one night stand...It is not a 3 year affair with one woman and affairs with at least 2 others....Affairs that required day to day deceit and day to day planning and organisation...listen to the voicemail he left one woman if you want to fully understand intricate planning of deceitful actions...Tiger's minders surely had to know what was going on as well..This was not a transgression but a pattern of deceit going on for years.
As for the demand for privacy...Sorry that ship sailed whentakes the hundreds of $M in sponsorhsip money..they have decided to live a public life for money so they can't cry now that they have been found out.
As to Tiger's statement about working on his behaviour....Funny how we is only doing this now that the affairs are public.
As for Karl and Deborah you should both be ashamed for the positions you took..Tiger Woods actions are nothing less that deceitful and poor form. There is no excuse for what he has done and he should accept whatever punishment awaits..To try and provide excuses for this appalling behaviour says alot about your morals and ethics.....and I had thought you were a decent guy Karl....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
